On the Same Page
Later this year, the second of my 7 nieces and nephews is getting married! The thought of this prompted me to share my thoughts on how Marc and I successfully managed our money when we were first married. Hopefully this post will encourage you to think about your approach and have open conversations with your current or future soulmate!
I’d like to be able to say that when I first met Marc, I knew we were totally on the same page about money and achieving long-term financial goals....BUT we were only 17 years old and seniors in high school. LOL! I earned money by babysitting and he mowed lawns. Our goals were simple: 1) Have enough gas money for the week; and 2) pay for date nights. At least our short-term goals were the same! ;) Fortunately (years later), it worked out that he and I also agreed on what we wanted to accomplish long- term... and WE HAVE (so far)! I can’t imagine that we would have lasted 24 years without agreeing on our spending and saving philosophies! Our priorities were aligned!
So what are some of the things I’m referring to when I say, “On the same page”? Below are 8 examples of mutual beliefs and behaviors that allowed us to stay on the same financial path FROM DAY 1 of our marriage:
Our money was shared. One account. No mine vs yours. It didn’t matter how much income either one of us made. The money to pay any expense comes out of the same place. We are a team.
We ran any significant purchases by the other before making a decision. It didn’t bother either of us to ask the other for an opinion and “permission”. We are equals in the relationship.
We had full visibility to each others income and/or assets. No secrets. At age 23, we didn’t have any assets - so that was easy enough, but we both knew each others salaries, bonuses, etc. and what each of our take home pay was every 2 weeks.
We tracked every dollar spent. So we were married during a time when online banking didn’t exist - Can you imagine?! We used a small notebook and hand-wrote every single amount we spent with our debit card. We always knew exactly how much money we had in our accounts.
If we knew we couldn’t pay off the full balance of a credit card at the end of the month, we didn’t bother using them at all. We didn’t use a credit card until a few years into our marriage when our income was a little higher, but we never, ever had credit card debt.
We estimated the long-term outlook of every major purchase. In other words: cars and real estate. How long will it take to payoff? How long do we expect this purchase to last? Will it meet our needs for that long? Then, as a team, we decided if the upfront cost is really worth it.
We saved for retirement right away, no matter what. We were young and time was on our side, even if our contributions were small...And we fully intended to enjoy that retirement TOGETHER :)
We each had a weekly “fun money” allowance. A small amount of money that can be spent on anything you want without running it by your spouse. Take the money out each Friday and spend it now or save it for something later. It’s up to you and only you! The feeling of a little independence is healthy!
I hope sharing our experience generates new thoughts and ideas for you and your relationship!
Money and marriage can get tricky throughout the years. Do your best to start off right. Discussing money upfront can be uncomfortable, but it’s definitely easier than experiencing the frustrations of disagreements later!