How to Handle the Taboo Topic of Money

What’s more taboo? 

• Telling people your income

• Telling people how much debt you have

• Telling people your net worth?

Maybe they’re all equally forbidden!

Sharing “the big 3” with others is a risky social move, right? Real life is not like sharing with the Instagram #debtfreecommunity, or in a private Facebook group of like-minded people.

When you share online, you are more inclined to reveal the good, bad, and the ugly of your financial situation.

The various anonymous accounts and strangers that are online with you are there to support, educate, and advise.  However, in real life this same information is often judged, misinterpreted, and maybe even held against you.

Sad to say, but not all the people around you are going to be rooting for you.  

Revealing any of these numbers introduces a risk that people will change the perception they have of you — positively or negatively.  Many people feel embarrassed, threatened, or competitive by sharing their own or hearing others’ income or net worth. 

It’s human instinct to compare or measure one thing against another. Am I better or worse off than this person? By how much? 

It can even change relationships.

Upon hearing the financial status of another individual, people may feel they can’t relate to that person anymore.  Insecurities or judgement may be revealed. People can end up losing respect or envying/resenting one another. 

That’s how powerful money is. It’s unfortunate, but it happens.  

So how do you talk about money with friends and family without it becoming an uncomfortable or awkward conversation? Well I don’t believe you have to share ‘the big 3” to talk openly about personal finance. Topics such as debt, buying homes, making major purchases, saving and investing can still be discussed openly to some degree.

Here are three examples of how it can be done:

1) Discuss financial goals in a more general sense. Example: Stating that “We are working toward paying our house off in the next 5 years.” is perfectly fine to say without sharing the amount you owe, how much money you are putting towards it every month, etc. The same goes for your debt. You can say, “We are on a mission to pay down our debt right now and we are making great progress.” You are not obligated to share the specifics. 

2) Talk in percentages. When others press you for more information about your goals, you can also take the approach of sharing your progress, rather than your numbers. “Right now we are 70% of the way to paying off our cars!” or “I received a 4% raise this year which will allow me to reach my emergency fund goal of 4 months worth of expenses”.

3) Emphasize your sacrifices and/or priorities. Finally, keeping the focus on what you have given up and/or what is most important to you isn’t a bad way to explain your financial situation either. If someone questions how you could have enough money to afford to pay for college, retirement, etc., you can talk about what choices you have made to allow for saving/investing, rather than walking them through how much income you’ve had over the years and what your monthly expenses are. I have definitely taken this approach myself – "We will be able to pay for our children’s education because we made a decision long ago not to upgrade our house.  We paid it off early and ever since, have applied that extra money to a 529 plan.” 

Maybe you’ve read all of this and are thinking, “Actually, I don’t have a problem sharing this information with others”. 

If that’s the case, then that is perfectly fine too— Just remember the person on the receiving end of the message may feel differently. Conversations are a two-way street. What you make, owe, and are worth may not be something they feel comfortable hearing about.

They also may think that you expect them to reciprocate the level of information you are sharing. I do have a couple of people in my life that I can openly share anything with, but it’s truly just one or two. 

As much as I encourage and support the idea of people speaking more openly about money, I believe there are limits needed to protect relationships.

In my opinion, the topics of income, net worth, and debt being treated as socially taboo topics among friends and family might actually be for the best!

What do you think? Have you taken any of these approaches in your interpersonal relationships? Let me know!